As a child, my dream was to be a wife and a mother.
And I lived out my life demanding it. It was my top priority and I spent most days pondering it.
After seven years of being unable to conceive, I can now see the error of my ways.
When we’re young we think we have so much control! But realizing I wasn’t in control didn’t give me any peace, especially while in the midst of dealing with infertility early on. It was just one of those A-HA! moments that you realize is a fact, but then you’re like, “Yeah? So, what am I supposed to do with that?”. And then you pout.
Here’s the real epiphany.
WE BELONG TO GOD.
It’s one of those things I heard, but didn’t really think about. Or, better yet, it probably took me years of hearing it before I really began to start to understand it.
It was easy for me think I belonged to God. Sure, He’s my Father and I’m his daughter. I fully recognize that there’s a spiritual world, and my connection with it. I know that my life isn’t contained to my 70 +/- years on this earth. And the minus side of that can be rather large.
Unsurprisingly, knowing this didn’t stop me from thinking I was entitled to what I wanted in life especially because what I wanted in life were admirable things (namely, being a wife and a mother).
Here’s the thing: God is our creator. And since God is the Creator of each and every person, He decides when a person starts their life, where they start their life, and how long their life on earth is.
And every time he creates a person, He creates an infant. God GIVES that infant to a mother and a father through the process of intercourse. The man and the woman become a mother and a father through this gift.
I spent most of my life feeling passionately entitled to a gift. That’s an ugly truth. It’s more than a little embarrassing, and very much humbling.
So, yes, we belong to God. Children belong to God. And I am not entitled to anything.
And acceptance of this realization does bring me peace. Sure, like a little child I’ll plead with God to bless us with a gift, but letting go of my passionate demand lightens my burden.
If I could go back and give myself some advice, it would be this: Make it your priority to live out your life however God wants you to live. If I had lived my life like that, how much happier I would have been. If we are blessed with the gift of children, I will make sure they know that just because they want it, doesn’t mean it’s what will happen. You might WANT to be a wife, a husband, a mother, a father… Take what God gives you. Living life any other way is like demanding the sun shine purple or for rain to fall up; it’s futile.
You’re better off forming your mind to be in line with God rather than focusing on your own desires, no matter how admirable they may be.